I Think Horses Stink.
"I hate horses. I think they smell and I don't like how people ride them, control them."
"I like horses. I like to think I can talk to them and they can understand me."
Some things come back to haunt you no matter how far you go. Turning 21 wasn't a problem. Facing facts that I had to start cutting people off was. It's uncharacteristic of me to do that to people who I don't feel aren't complete reprobates. I'm surprised at myself, really, that I've adopted the politics of becoming an adult. I don't mind growing up but I was a little ashamed of it. I am ashamed of closing doors but I had to keep big, bad wolves from coming in. I benefited from it largely and have never been happier. I think it's just the giving up on anything that really bugs me.
I'm not afraid of celebrating birthdays anymore. Other than last Sunday which got intense when I had a close encounter with two guys who were trying to kill each other with their eyes because they respectively wanted to sex me up at 4am. I was tipsy and twisted them into cockblocking each other out till I decided it was time for bed alone. Now that was a birthday party.
I liked 19 and 20. They were both good years and now I've 361 days of 21 to look forward to. Weeks before turning 21 I could feel my body changing; pubescence was ending. I no longer lose weight, my fat just shifts to the right places no matter how much I work out, which isn't so bad. Curves take place where bones used to protrude and I can't imagine now what it feels like to physically feel any older. It's unfathomable but getting natural curves like Bellucci is something to look forward to.
21 means getting stronger without getting deterred or distracted; no longer being afraid of being alone - a very impressive lesson to learn at my age. I'd take the single life to being treated like trash any day by people I put on pedestals and I'm glad I've outgrown those days where I'd take someone's abuse for the sake of feeling. These people bore me to tears and I'll no longer. Not if it compromises my dignity, integrity or reputation but most importantly - my progression. Love, I am free from your shackles now. Have a good life.
- "Bare Hands" (before colour correction)
